Crabnox

According to a recent survey, the average person gives 32 gifts per year. If we assume that the median human lifespan is 81 years (as it is in the UK, where the survey was conducted), and that the average person is an active gift-giver during 54 of those years (we made deductions for childhood, college, and a person's final years, stages in which the gift-giving urge may be reduced or dormant), then s/he will have purchased a staggering 1,728 gifts before shuffling off this mortal coil. The act of seeking a gift, perhaps once a heartwarming enterprise, easily turns into an onerous exercise that leaves the bestower (and often the bestowed-upon) in a state of distress and disappointment.

But now, wearied givers, that Sisyphian chore can become a thing of the past with Crabnox's convenient and free-to-use Gift-o-Matic. Simply enter your recipient (spouse, doorman, that lady in HR who's retiring, etc.) and click "FIND GIFT". We'll select the ideal present from our vast array of exclusive products. To demonstrate, we've started by suggesting the perfect gift...for you!

Recipient:

THE PERFECT GIFT: From our legendary Expert Traveler™ collection, a colossal steel-girded wig disintegrator attached to an explosion-proof automatic birdfeeder, available now for the unbeatable price of $296.99!